I am currently watching The Big Bang Theory and Sheldon, one of the main characters, introduced a new game. He called the game Counterfactuals. It’s just like a question and answer game but with a twist. Counterfactuals tries to change one fact of reality and tries to see if it changes what has been.
An example: If beavers rule mankind, what food would men not eat anymore?
The answer: Danish Cheese. Well, apparently, beavers live in dam and as their servants, we create dams for them. Lots of dams may create flood and well, this will flood a certain area where Danish Cheese comes from.
Yes I know it is so geeky. But really, we can apply it to real life. Try to think of it this way. If one part of you reality or past would change, who are you now?
Most of my friends tell me that if I weren’t gay, I am would be the guy version of a slut. One that breaks the heart of a million girls. I would not really know how they deduced this to be because after all, in all my existence, I never got the chance to have a relationship, more on, to break one.
There are a lot of what ifs in my life so much that somehow, instead of enjoying reality, I am more of into my imagination. Who isn’t right? But really, can we enjoy our present if all we ever wanted was for it to change and be something else?
Yes, we have all been taught to be contented and be satisfied with what we have, but would it hurt if we would like something to be a little bit better?
And this is the paradox of life. Man has this never-ending thirst of satisfying his needs and well, our needs are apparently subject to change. We are beings that would always want more. And this never ending search for more means we would never end for wanting. And that means, no matter what could have changed in our past, we would never appreciate present. BECAUSE WE’D ALWAYS WANT MORE.
So back to counterfactuals.
I have always wanted to know what I was if I weren’t gay. It’s not that I hate being one or despise, but somehow, I often think that I had no choice. Or somehow, I will end up realizing that everyone already knows, so I might as well play the part. I do not really know why I am gay, but one thing I know is that it is a hard thing to think about.
If I weren’t gay, well I am sure I’d be a guy. A geeky and cocky guy, and maybe, at this point of my life, I have already fought a couple of guys, slept with a few dozen girls and maybe got one pregnant or so.
Or, maybe, I could have been a very good guy, the best friend that everyone has. But I would be in that friend zone, meaning, I’d be a loser in relationships.
So, if something in your past would be changed, who would you be now?